Monster
by TheEliteLabRatsLover
Summary: If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me? And if I seem dangerous, would you be scared? I've turned into a monster...and it keeps getting stronger.


**Okay, so you _have_ to listen to "Monster" by Imagine Dragons. You just have to. After all, it is what inspired this. ;) So, yeah, if you haven't guessed it by now, I love songfics. Like, _love_ them. And this song seemed to really fit him, and since I loved this song I thought that I should write it. ;P I really hope that you like it! So please, let me know your thoughts! :D Also, I just wanted to throw this out there; I'm always accepting prompts! You've got it, I'll write it. ;) As long as it isn't; Slash and above M. Otherwise, I'm pretty cool. ;P And I'll also do my very best to write it; it'll go to the very top of my priority list. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own this fanfiction nor the song.**

* * *

 _Ever since I could remember,_

 _Everything inside of me,_

 _Just wanted to fit in (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

...

Ever since Barry could remember, he had wanted to fit in. He had wanted to be normal. Not be picked on because of his past, or what he was like. He didn't want to be bullied just because he was different.

...

 _I was never one for pretenders,_

 _Everything I tried to be,_

 _Just wouldn't settle in (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

...

He never could pretend who he was, nor could he stand people who acted one way around certain people, and then a different way around others. Every time he tried to act like somebody else, someone would point it out because he just _couldn't do it_.

Even when he tried different things, rather than altering his personality in a major way. He changed his clothing style, but it didn't change anything. He changed his hairstyle, but it didn't make a difference.

...

 _If I told you what I was,_

 _Would you turn your back on me?_

...

He often wonders that, if he told people that he was the Flash, would they still care for him or even like him? Would Iris still be his best friend, or would she leave him for what he was?

...

 _And if I seem dangerous,_

 _Would you be scared?_

...

Because he's a meta-human. And people _fear_ them. They are scared out of their minds because of them. And _he's_ one of them. He's just one of the good guys. But it often bothers him to think that he might _not_ have been.

He could have just as easily as ended up as one of the villains that he fights to protect his city from. So he wonders, if he did tell Iris that he was the Flash, a _meta-human_ , would she be scared of him?

...

 _I get the feeling just because,_

 _Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

 _That this problem lies in me_

...

So sometimes when he stays up late sometimes at night, wondering what it would be like to have even _more_ power, or how it would feel like to be one of the evil meta-humans, or even what would have happened if he would have just made one wrong decision, and not become the Flash, he blames it on his powers messing with his mind.

He blames the pent up anger he has deep down for the world, on his powers. Because after all, isn't that what happened to all of the other meta-humans? They let their inner anger get to them and change them into something else. A monster.

He won't let that happen to him, he thinks as he lies in bed one night, contemplating his life once again. He won't become a monster, even though his powers beckon him to do so.

The next day he lashes out at Caitlin and Cisco during a mission, and realizes with a nearly heart stopping moment, that maybe his powers aren't the cause of this anger. Maybe _he_ is the reasons for his own anger. A self-loathing anger.

...

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,_

 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

...

So he runs. He runs and runs until his legs burn and he collapses onto his knees in exhaustion. He has to practice, after all, if he wants to beat Reverse-Flash. If he wants to beat the man that had killed his mother in cold-blood.

And once again, an anger starts burning deep down in him, and he pushes himself back onto his feet and _runs_. When he returns back at Star Labs, Caitlin chews him out because he's working himself so hard and he's just going to drive himself into the ground, and that they're a _team_.

But he doesn't care. He knows that one of these days he could just speed out of Central City and never look back at the life he once had as the Flash. He doesn't think that he'll ever do that, abandon everything he's ever worked on, and leave his friends and family, but it's a comfort to know that he can. He can lave whenever he wants.

But then he rescues a family from a fire, and thinks that maybe, even though he's dark and broken deep down, he can escape this hell that his life has become. Win and end this constant war that has taken place inside of his mind.

...

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _I've turned into a monster,_

...

And then he fights Reverse-Flash. And he reminds Barry that he is a monster, and that they are both the same. Deep down they're all broken. Deep down they're all monsters. He tries to convince him to join him, and rule this world.

Barry inwardly hesitates, and struggles to convince himself that _no_ , he doesn't want to do that. He's _not_ like Eobard. He's _not_ a monster. But deep down he realizes, maybe he _is_ a monster. His own twisted kind of self-destructing and self-loathing monster.

...

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _And it keeps getting stronger._

...

Everyday it got worse. Everyday he became more self-destructing, and more reckless. On missions, he came back more beat up, because he took more risks. More dares. Caitlin and Cisco had discussed it. They both claimed that he's just upset over the whole 'Eobard' thing. And that there's just been an increase in crime rate lately. They had no idea.

...

 _Can I clear my conscience_

 _If I'm different from the rest?_

 _Do I have to run and hide? (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

...

Was it possible for him to erase all of his thoughts, guilt, and inner turmoil over being a meta-human? He saw the looks that Joe would send his way every once in a while when he thought that Barry couldn't see him. He saw the fear and the curiosity sent his way from his own adoptive _father_.

As someone from the CCPD, he had once been sent out to a spot where they were protesting the Flash's activities. He's not human, they say. No. He's a _monster_. But so what if he's different? He's still human. One of these days he's afraid that things will get out of hand. That he will have to run and never look back.

...

 _I never said that I want this,_

 _This burden came to me,_

 _And it's made its home inside (oh, oh, oh, oh)_

...

Besides, it wasn't like he had signed up to become a meta-human, or the Flash. That blessing and curse came to him. It _became_ him.

...

 _If I told you what I was,_

 _Would you turn your back on me?_

...

So if the world found out about him, would they disregard the Flash and Barry Allen? Would he no longer be important just because they would find out that he, too, has _problems_ , and is _broken_?

...

 _And if I seem dangerous,_

 _Would you be scared?_

...

Or would they fear him? Would his co-workers from the CCPD, and his closest friends be afraid to even be around him?

...

 _I get the feeling just because,_

 _Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

 _That this problem lies in me_

...

He knows that deep down inside he _is_ a monster. Because all around him, when he's feeling this certain _way_ , nothing seems to match the intensity of the darkness inside of him. Nothing can equal the pain and heartache deep down inside of him. He knows his demons. He knows them all too well. He knows that they cause his self-loathing.

...

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,_

 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

...

So he spends his time running. Running from the pain, running from his self-hatred, running from his demons, just running from _life_. He runs with the vain hope of thinking that maybe, just maybe, he can escape this hell if he runs fast enough.

...

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _I've turned into a monster,_

...

Because, whether people want to acknowledge it, he _is_ a monster. Deep down inside of him.

...

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _And it keeps getting stronger._

...

And everyday it gets stronger. More and more powerful, until he's afraid that one day it will devour him entirely.

...

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,_

 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._

...

He's got nothing to guide him, except his own thoughts. His own troubles and desires guide him. He tries to stop his demons from tarnishing him. Stop them from taking over his soul. At times, he thinks that maybe he's winning, maybe he _can_ stop them.

...

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _I've turned into a monster,_

 _A monster, a monster,_

 _And it keeps getting stronger._

...

But he knows that in the end, he won't be able to stop it. It's too strong. Even for him. So after years, and years of fighting against it, he surrenders to it. After all, he knows that he won't ever be able to stop this monster that's inside of him.

Because in the end...he _is_ the monster.

* * *

 **Ta-da! What'd you think? Was it any good? Because I honestly feel like it was pretty crappy. I _really_ hope that it wasn't, though. So, if you could please let me know your thoughts, that would mean a lot! :)**


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